Dear Nancy:
I find myself feeling overwhelmed with anger and desperation because of my chronic pain. I was in a car accident that left me with constant aching in my lower back, and lately I’m just so exhausted because my pain is ruining my life. I can’t focus at work without being irritated by my agony. I hesitate to travel on a plane because I’m afraid the pain is going to be too much to handle. Most of all, I don’t date because I never have the energy to put myself out there, and I know I can’t be charming if I’m preoccupied by my aching back. How do I stop letting my pain keep me from enjoying life to the fullest?
Sincerely, Will It Get Better.
Dear Will It Get Better:
It sounds like your pain is running your life, and I want to help you take your power back. When you’re constantly feeling distracted by tension in your body, it’s easy to become frustrated with life, but don’t lose hope. Start with small changes that will alleviate some pain. At your job, consider finding a new chair that provides better back support. A standup desk might also relieve any tightness. You could also implement a prework stretching regimen or yoga routine that would both reduce pain and put you in a strong mental state. Your pain will be less of a distraction and you will focus better at work if you are resourceful with what you can control. I also understand how upsetting it can feel to be too fearful to do the things you desire, like travel on a plane. I know you’re capable of conquering your anxiety, and the best way to start is by making a plan. Perhaps consult your doctor about whether there is medication you can take that’ll relieve your pain for the length of a flight. Investigate the best seating options with more leg room or easy access to walk around if you need to. Having a strategy for traveling on a plane will make your worries about the pain more manageable. You can even apply the same mindset when it comes to dating. You might think you won’t be your best self on a date because you’ll be too focused on your pain, but these are future assumptions. Maybe the person you go out with will relate to your condition or offer insightful advice. The date also doesn’t have to be long and stiff. It could be a video call or a walk to grab coffee. Pick a situation that will physically work so you will enjoy yourself more. Your chronic pain doesn’t have to define who you are. Look at it as an opportunity to adopt new routines or find an inspiring support group of people who have gone through it too. Remember, it’s mind over matter, and you’re amazing and capable of living the life you want.
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