Light in the Darkness

I began noticing trouble sleeping around freshman year of high school. I began staying up later and later at night. Around my junior year I began to have even bigger issues with my sleeping patterns. I began struggling with insomnia, I would typically stay up to around 3 a.m. sometimes even later, and sometimes I wouldn’t sleep at all. I also began taking naps in class because I was so exhausted throughout the day. When I was in Virginia for college I began sleeping a lot, I would fall asleep around 12 a.m. and I would wake up at 3 p.m. This caused me to skip a lot of classes because I wouldn’t wake up. During these times of insomnia my thoughts are neverending, and it’s almost as if someone is screaming in my head. These thoughts also go almost 100 miles a minute, and it’s extremely overwhelming. Most of my thoughts revolve around suicidal ideation. During my time in Virginia, I would have the worst thoughts of suicide, they were so extremely vivid it was almost as if it was actually happening. Due to this, in Virginia I began going to therapy and I actually had to undergo emergency intervention due to how much I was considering suicide. I had to meet with an individual with the local psychiatrist office every day in person for two weeks to discuss how my mental health is and work on coping mechanisms. I was also meeting with a counselor from the school once a week to discuss various topics that I was struggling with. For many struggling with depression sleep issues is one of the most common symptoms with 75 percent having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, according to John Hopkins Medicine. For me I also get extremely anxious when I can’t sleep, and I’ve had panic attacks due to the thoughts I would have. To this day I struggle with my sleep, most days I sleep through any alarms that I have since I usually fall asleep really late at night. I have been trying my hardest to overcome these issues, but overtime I have realized that I will always struggle with sleep as much as I do with my depression. To me it’s important that I don’t let the thoughts I experience during these times to overwhelm me, it is extremely difficult, but I need to push through. I also want to work on learning that it is okay to get help, when necessary, because a lot of times when I am struggling, I will push people out and struggle alone. If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or distress you can reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. The Lifeline is a 24/7 line that is free and confidential that you can call or text.