Light in the Darkness

Over the years I have not been as excited about the holiday season and the new year. It has become less exciting and more monotonous. It feels just like any other day. I also never really understood resolutions. Personally, to me resolutions can be very damaging. I think resolutions themselves cause you to put more expectations on yourself to be better and if you fail you feel worthless. For example, someone makes a resolution to go to the gym every day for the new year, if they miss one day for any reason, they feel like they are a failure. I think introspection for me is more worthwhile. Introspection is the examination of one’s own consciousness and thoughts. For me introspection has been very helpful especially when it comes to my mental health. Looking into why you are thinking the way you are, how certain things have affected you can be especially helpful. Introspection itself I think should be done almost every day, but I think doing a long introspection into how you felt the last year is important as well. For me the last year has been very rocky mentally. The beginning of the year feels like a blur because I wasn’t doing really much of anything, but I felt a lot more fulfilled when I got my job, and I feel that so far it is going well. But for this new year I really need to focus on my mental health. When I get extremely depressed, I start to struggle immensely with my sleep, I won’t be able to fall asleep, sometimes I don’t get any sleep whatsoever. Other times I sleep way too much, I think the longest I’ve slept is around 12-14 hours. Recently I have noticed that my sleep is starting to be affected more. Depression also severely affects my motivation; I know in my mind that I need to do something but I physically cannot bring myself to do it. This has also led to me becoming a horrible procrastinator, always doing things at the last minute. This year I am going to focus on mental health, and ways to work around my issues, because I know that I will not be able to fix all of them right away. I also think I need to focus more on my job and why I love doing it, I think that will help me more with my depression. I hope that I can look back on this year and see a lot more improvement, but we will see what the future holds.