The following contains personal information which at first I did not want to share with the public. However, I feel I should share it because it could be helpful for someone who might also have to process a traumatic experience. Please note that this discussion involves simple post traumatic stress as compared with the disorder, which includes ongoing symptoms that block ability to cope with daily living.
Two weeks ago I had been enjoying the eastbound drive on I 40. But suddenly, my universe changed from pleasure to threat in an instant. Nearing Albuquerque, a few feet ahead, a tire that seemed as big as a small house was peacefully sitting in the middle of my lane, unaware of the havoc it was about to create.
There were no good options. With heavy traffic and high speeds, I was sure that I and those around me would crash and die. I had seconds to decide how to respond.
For years I have dreaded dying, because I love life so much. Now I accepted it without dread while intensely wanting to avoid my own death as well as the deaths of those around me. I had the presence of mind to use my turn signal so that the car behind me would know something was wrong and would slow down. But I couldn't decide whether to turn right or left, because either would result in disaster. Thankfully, the decision was made for me. I found myself swerving to the right, expecting to crash into that car.
Miraculously, nothing happened.
Apparently, the driver, who a moment before had been so close I could see him out of the corner of my eye, was aware of the danger and moved to the outer margins of the highway, saving us all. As I drove on, I could hardly believe we were all still alive.
By lunch time I was fatigued and shaken, but I never mentioned my experience to my close friend at lunch that day. As I drove home, there was no sign of the tire and I thought about the near-accident briefly but with no feelings. It was as though it had happened to a stranger. But the next day when I woke up, it hit me, and intermittent tears regarding the potential horror began. Delay of feelings at such a time is typical of trauma.
The second day after the incident I was extremely angry about every little thing that went wrong and I wondered why. Then I realized, this is another symptom that can occur shortly after trauma. With that awareness, the anger ceased.
Now, two weeks later, I have no signs of PTSD. In fact, I've had intermittent tears of gratitude for the safety that resulted because though I had believed I and others would surely die, there was no dread at that moment, at least for myself, despite desperately wanting to avoid the end. I am now more accepting of death.
I should mention that PTSD can develop months or years after the initial trauma, but I feel confident this will not happen in my case, partly because of the gratitude for what I learned that day, that I do not have to dread the act of dying.
I do not want to trivialize PTSD, but as a consequence of what happened, the acronym now has new meaning for me: Post Traumatic Stress Discovery.