Dear Editor, So ol’ ‘Party Pete’ Hegseth, God of War, has called his Myrmidons, who until only a few months ago were his superiors spiritually and legally, to attend him at Quantico. New marching orders: everyone must purchase a Major Pete exercise video so they can get in goose step with the Deity in Chief’s (DIC) agenda. We march on Chicago! So shape up and swear fealty to He who presides over the new Parthenon-like White House dance hall, or else be replaced by a lithe major or ensign who will. Face it, what better role model for the ”male standard” than Major ‘Party Pete’? Picture this: a darkened secure room in the Pentagon basement lit dully by a giant screen on which speed boats skitter in all directions across the Trump Sea like water-bugs on a scummy pond. God of War Hegseth whooping as he wrestles his game pad like a matador a bull’s horns. With a victorious cry he unleashes fire and fury on some unsuspecting water skier (but we know where the Venezuelan bimbo has hidden the cocaine!) The God of War leans back, motions over a decorated female combat veteran clad in mission appropriate swimwear. She presents to the conqueror a silver tray burdened with the Trump logo, a shot of Anejo, a solid gold salt shaker and a wedge of imported lime. What stodgy, overweight 4-star would not fall into the beach-cast footprints of this military icon, not applaud the presentation of the Medal of Honor to this hero of the Republic(an)! Congressional Medal of Honor you quibble? No worries. The DIC in the White House has subsumed all the branches of government under the spread of his Golden Eagle wings! Oh yeah. He’s changing that, too. Can’t have a bald eagle representing the Kingdom of the Golden Haired One.
J S Byram