To love and be loved is one of life’s greatest gifts. So why do we hurt those we love? Logically, our helpmates are our most important relationships. The mutual self-giving strengthens us along life’s journey. Why would we constantly criticize? Why the angry tone of voice and look of contempt? Why reject or demand intimacy? Why make our partner beg for money or be restricted from seeing family and friends or be told what to eat or when to go to bed? For some of us, we progress to shoving, hitting, beating and killing. Even a dog would stop cheerfully running to us, and then later, cowering and avoiding us.
Globally, one out of three women endure interpersonal violence. So, I need to take a trip to Roberta’s Place.
Roberta’s thrift store is across from Smith’s and you can often find something you need or a treasure for less than a dollar. If you’re having a cash flow problem, they’ll give you a voucher. Their office is next door. The Executive Director is Oshay Jaramillo, a soft-spoken woman with sad eyes. She was born and raised here and always wanted to help her community. Her awareness of abusive darkness started by seeing her friends’ dating relationships in high school.
Roberta’s place started in 1995 with a pilot program in Grants staffed by volunteers and now, as a nonprofit, is funded by donations as well as the State and city of Grants. The staff of 14 work the thrift shop, shelter and Batterers Intervention Program [a 52-week program with a man’s group as well as a women’s group who are taught options other than violence]. Ninety per cent are court ordered and referred by the Grant’s and Milan police as well as the Sheriff’s Department. Most of the women are between 25–50 yrs. of age, the men from 30–50 and an increasing number of elders. Roberta’s see about 300 members of our community each year. The abusers have issues with power and control, substance and alcohol abuse, finances and childhood trauma. The abused are often seen as “dumb” or “not believed” or “asked for it” for not leaving the situation. But the decision to leave is extremely difficult since it involves a woman’s lingering feelings of love and commitment, shame, having complete care of the children including financial support, fear that leaving is physically dangerous and possibly fatal. Roberta’s offers case management for housing, employment, legal aid and counseling for the children. To prevent burnout, the staff’s work schedule is 3/7 days a week but crises calls are handled 24 hrs./7 days a week @ 505-287-7724 [regular office 505-287-7200]. Since domestic violence is not only personal, Oshay would like the community to help by a willingness to see the problem and say something to those involved as well as family and friends. Children can be taught respect and flexibility in dealing with anger other than with violence.
Today’s lesson: Either loving communion or violent domination is a choice.