As the holidays are approaching, I’ve been feeling sadder and lonelier than usual. I’m 72 and got divorced 20 years ago. I can’t help but wonder what life would look like if my marriage never ended or if I had found someone years ago who would be my loving companion now. Although I have two grown children, they live far away and have their own busy lives, so sometimes I feel like they have forgotten about me. I can keep myself busy during the day with gardening, shopping, taking care of my cats, or seeing friends, but I admit the nights are when I feel most alone. I just wish I had someone to enjoy my evenings with. I’m afraid and worried that I will be spending every holiday by myself. How can I stop feeling so abandoned and hopeless, feeling that I will be alone for the rest of my life?
Sincerely, Feeling So Alone
Dear Feeling So Alone,
I can tell by your words that your feelings of loneliness are bringing you deep sadness. I completely understand how scary it can feel to wonder if you will spend every night by yourself. But the thing is, one can be lonely even in a room full of people. The key to not feeling so isolated, especially in the evenings, is finding distractions. Try out activities that will take your mind away from thoughts of loneliness. At night, consider reading a fiction book you can lose yourself in. Perhaps watching a TV series or listening to a podcast with many episodes can become part of your evening ritual – you may even be excited to have that time for yourself. Even putting on your favorite music while you do chores or make dinner can fill up the silence and boost your mood. While you might not spend every holiday with your family, it doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Consider opening up your friendship circle by looking for more people in the same boat as you. Other women in your neighborhood might not have a significant other or relatives who live nearby either, and you can search for fellow cat lovers or gardeners via social groups. Maybe even consider taking up a new hobby; you could join a pottery class or book club. Finding new people to connect with will give you supportive friends who feel like family. Also try to remember that people aren’t mind readers. Your children might not be aware of how lonely you are if you’ve never expressed your feelings to them. Maybe call up your kid and just share your feelings of emptiness. Even if they’re busy, find out if you can plan to spend time together. If the holiday season doesn’t work out, make arrangements to join them another time. When you’re open and honest with your loved ones, you will feel lighter knowing that your emotions have been heard. You can take your power back, overcome feelings of solitude, and have fun!
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