Dear Nancy,
Three years ago, I was in a devastating car accident that changed my life. The severity of the wreck badly burned my entire body with most of the damage done to my face. My right arm had to be amputated below my elbow. I feel like my life now is a constant uphill battle full of navigating doctors’ appointments, relearning how to do simple tasks, and getting disgusted looks constantly. Leaving my house seems impossible when I get stared at during every interview and never get the job. I want employers to see who I am, but I feel trapped behind my scars, screaming to be heard. I feel like a coward. I’m itching to get out of my skin, and I do everything I can to hide my burns, but I’m still horrified with how I look. Because of this, dating has been a complete mess. I look in the mirror and can’t imagine someone ever being attracted to me. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who loves me for who I am. I feel severed from my old life, watching everyone get married and have kids. I genuinely believe I’ve been cursed to be alone forever. How can I improve my selfesteem when it feels like everyone is repulsed by me?
Sincerely, Feeling Hopeless
Dear Feeling Hopeless,
I hear your pain -- just know that you can take all the time you need to grieve. It is human nature to mourn the loss of who you once were and even feel angry. Try to find the silver lining by being grateful that you survived such a severe accident. I realize that it can be petrifying to not recognize yourself, especially when other people are constantly staring. However, strangers you encounter aren’t mind readers -- they don’t know you or your story. Instead of hiding from them, try to smile and give kindness back to people. Show them the parts of you that truly matter. Also, keep in mind that tragedies can truly be our greatest gift. I understand the shame you feel -- but know that overcoming trauma is inspirational. You can begin by telling your story to a potential employer, allowing you to take back power over your accident and control the narrative. I know how overwhelming it can feel to work with a disability, but I have learned that bosses want to hire the best candidate and your physical injuries do not outshine your qualifications. Being vulnerable can be a necessary outlet to heal and will assist you in connecting with others on job interviews and dates. When you find a way to be confident with your burns, you will attract people who admire your strength. The right people are going to see and accept all of you. At the end of the day, the opinion you have of yourself matters the most. When you take the steps to be bold, you will see a more genuine and courageous person in the mirror.