Dear Nancy,
For the first time after spending
most of my life married, I am completely alone. My second husband recently died of cancer and I never realized how heavily I relied on his companionship. I love my home but the pandemic made me see that I should spend my golden years traveling but I’m afraid I never will. I’m starting to have problems with my vision and back and I know the longer I wait the harder it will be. My mind is sharp and I have the energy but my body just can’t keep up. I’ve tried to convince my friends to come with me but they’re either traveling with the partners they still have or too afraid to break routine. I’m itching for adventure and to try new things but I feel like I’ve run out of time. I’d even be content visiting my children but they don’t seem to want me around. My son is always traveling for work and my daughter and grandkids are too busy. I feel like my family sees me as a liability and a nuisance. Everyone around me is busy with someone or something and I’m just getting left behind. How can I enjoy the time I have left without feeling lonely and cooped up? Sincerely, Will I Travel Again
Dear Will I Travel Again,
I’m sorry to hear of your husband’s passing, and know that I understand your eagerness to find belonging in your life. Isolation is not always a negative feeling. Rather than fighting it, take pleasure in your own company and enjoy some time to fly solo. Learning how to find comfort in your own company can allow you to replace some of your feelings of boredom and find new one-person hobbies such as a puzzle or a crossword. I understand your frustration with your friends for not being as willing to explore, but you may have to meet them halfway. Perhaps you start small with an overnight road trip and expand from there. You may also find that your coupled-up friends might enjoy a lady’s trip without their husbands. Another great alternative is joining a group within the community or finding an online social circle. This will allow you to learn of travel opportunities that may be happening. I hear you in missing your family and it can be discouraging to feel like a burden. If your daughter's home sounds too chaotic and hosting you full-time is too much, offer to stay in a hotel or plan a group trip a year or two in advance. By being considerate of the barriers that make quality time difficult, you can discover a solution that satisfies the entire family. When you are stuck in a rut, it can be tempting to give up, but there are always creative alternatives. When you look for the silver linings, you open yourself up to new possibilities and a more fulfilling life.