Light in the Darkness

I have struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember. Depression and anxiety have affected my daily life in massive ways to where I struggled living my life. Here’s a writing that I did in June of 2022 when I was struggling with depression. I typically try to write things down so I can voice my feelings and how I was during that time. Now my writings aren’t always pretty, and those dark thoughts are voiced through brutal text, but the following one I think describes depression in a pretty good light. Those that suffer from depression will probably recognize these thoughts, but for you that have never been through this struggle, I hope that my writings will give you a little clearer image of how it feels to go through this.

Depression – June 13, 2022

Depression can be a very hard thing to fight. It comes out of nowhere and pushes you to the ground. One second you feel fine, the next you feel utterly hopeless. It feels as though there is nothing that you can do. You can’t scream for help, you can’t dig yourself out of it, you are just stuck in this endless abyss with no light in sight. It almost feels as though the world is spinning without you. You see everything going on, but it feels as though you are watching from another place. It’s almost as if you don’t even exist. The sad thing is that during this time you wonder if the world would be better off without you. This is where those suicidal thoughts creep in. These thoughts become so loud that you can’t focus on anything else. All you can think about is should you get it over with so the thoughts end. Some people give in. Some people deal with them by getting help. Some are so terrified that they can’t bring themselves to do the unthinkable. But over time anyone can be pushed over the edge of that cliff.

I am so glad that today I am not feeling as low as I was at this moment. I struggled so much to get to the point where I can look back on these writings and say, “I no longer feel that way.” But there are still moments where these thoughts and feelings creep back in, but I can now tell myself that I will find a way through, and I will make it out. If you are in that dark hole of depression, I know it doesn’t seem like it’s going to get better, but just keep pushing on it’s worth it, trust me. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I gave up back then.